Kelly Clarkson is a Wise, Wise Woman #TheLongRun

My first half, VA Wine Country half, 2012

—This weekend I am headed home to ATL to pace my mom as she walks the Publix Georgia Half Marathon! And you know that I will be wearing my Brooks and Swirlgear! Details of the preview party to come!–

Represent. #SwirlON

Okay, guys, I hope that you have fueled properly, this is a long one. But it is full of things that I have to get out. Plus, if you stick it out, I will send you virtual cookies. (nerd joke)

This weekend I was supposed to be running my first half marathon of the year. Yeah, well we all know what happened with that: Four weeks ago this weekend, I parted ways with the restaurant. The next day, I pulled my hamstring, just two weeks after coming back from a calf strain that kept me from running for 2 weeks in January. So, if you do the math, though I wasn’t hurt November or December, I have since enjoyed a whopping total of about 4 weeks of running since the start of 2014. Le SSSssiiiiigghhhhh.

The January Suz was none-too-happy about that forced respite. But then again, I must also stress that there was little about the January Suz that was happy: discontent with the lack of forward movement and waiting to hear about “opportunities” (snort), temperatures both outdoors as well as indoors that taught me new meanings to “freezing all the time,” and barely seeing Alex after having enjoyed so much time with him mid-December through our trip to Mexico all served to break me down mentally and physically. I complained of spinning my wheels, needing a reboot, and then feeling like I had finally gotten one. But it wasn’t until I simultaneously got what I wanted (a clean break from the restaurant) with what I didn’t want (unemployment and an injury) that I was forced to sit down and really figure out how I was going to regroup, not just reboot. My next steps haven’t been about starting over, but moving forward.

Since running has been gone, I have worked hard as h-e-double hockey sticks. I am KILLING it in PT. I do my exercises nearly everyday (and you better believe I took my bands to PGH as well as to the WITSummit!), and I am following Missy’s instructions to a T. A big part of my dedication to this is the fact that these sessions are absolutely precious to me–I have a very limited number of opportunities to get worked on, and also, these people have become dear friends.

Proof.

Cross training in the gym and the kitchen. Yoga (now that I trust that it is beneficial for my injury), swimming, spinning, PT, etc. I like having a plan. I like knowing that I have spent the time to work towards something. Food-wise, it is obvious that I like the things that I like (thus my various pantry staples, sauce staples). I like clean flavors, I like to eat things that I know are satisfying, and let’s be honest, sometimes I’m just lazy.

But I also need to mix it up–thus why I am not big on major food prep extravaganzas that you see EVERYWHERE. If I do make a lot of something, you better believe that half of it is going into the freezer. And now that I am no longer relying on the same things day in and day out–it is MY CHOICE to do so, if I do (also, I have not had string cheese since I left the resto, haha). And sometimes you just need to get your a$$ handed to you (by this, I simply mean forced to step out and try new things).

I am healthier, physically and emotionally. Look at the posts that I wrote in January, early February, and now–you will notice how cold I am–my body was breaking down. I am someone whose mental and physical well being are closely linked. This is as much a Crohn’s thing (stress and hormones are often triggers for Crohnies–thus why the disease is very common in type A, white, upper-middle class females. THERE”SYOURSIGN) as well as a Susie-thing–I carry my mental pain in a physical way. I was seeing Alex for about 8 waking hours A WEEK, and I have few to no friends physically located in Chicago. Furthermore, my closest friends largely have real jobs, so our time-tables rarely matched up. The stress of the job itself, the demands of fueling (my fueling helped me survive, but my body was burning too many calories just simply trying to stay warm)–I was making it work, but in an “I’m surviving” way. Return to the living.

I am working harder at more effortlessly pursuing and maintaining new and old friendships. My trip to see Caitlin, who I don’t go a day without talking to via text; pursing the Ramblen ambassadorship and starting a real friendship with Danielle; growing with Swirlgear; catching up with my oldest girlfriends this week via phone; going home and seeing my mom this weekend; trying to network and develop new relationships through the blog (HI FRIENDS) as well as trying to start some relationships here in Chicago (a work in progress, considering the current travel schedule).

I am accepting truths that I have known for a long time to be true: preservation, as in, professional preservation advocacy via non-profits is not for me (at least not now). And honestly, it never has been what I wanted. I got the wrong graduate degree–and I knew I was heading there 2 weeks into the 2nd semester. Should an opportunity arise in the architectural history side of things (or architecture, if I am so lucky), I will consider it. It’s been a long 5 YEARS OF LOOKING FOR A JOB–I haven’t been looking for a job for just the past 9 months. Try 5+ years.  But preservation? It just isn’t me, at least not me right now–I would feel like I was doing the organizations I would be working for a massive disservice, not to mention myself.

I am stronger. Yesterday (Friday), I went to a yoga class (C1 at CorePower–unheated, Vinyasa-style flow), and it was one of the best practices I have had yet. I have been back at PT for 3-4 weeks, and even though I haven’t run farther than across the street (until Friday), I am stronger in my running muscles than I have been maybe ever. I can see the change in my body in the mirrors, and I can, above all, feel it in my poses–strong, rooted, controlled. I had gone to a C1 class earlier this week but felt like I was still pushing my luck with the stretching a bit too much. But yesterday? This was the first day that my hamstring felt whole as it stretched–that the stretch was not a strain but that it actually released and relaxed. I have felt so many interesting changes in it this week as the muscle has continued to remodel itself. This was what I originally was going to talk about for the Long Run today, but, you all know how it is when you need to talk.

And then I got the ultimate confirmation that changes I have made are benefiting me physically: I ran. Not far–only about .5 mile to and .5 mile from my car (I had left something in there the night before that I had to retrieve). But it was amazing the change in my body and its mechanics: No pain at all in the hammy, and instant firing in my glutes. I felt like I covered more ground with every stride compared to before; each step was more effortless. My body was finally using itself in the way that I remembered it being able to back when I ran hills and rode everyday.

And then I got the ultimate confirmation that changes I have made are benefiting me mentally: I am ok with waiting until next week to run more. Who the crap am I? Someone who knows that they have waited a long time to be a peace with who they are working to be. Someone who trusts in the process.

For the first time in a long, long time, I feel like I am moving towards something. I feel free, to a great extent, even though my days seem overfilled now more than in the previous 9 months.  I need to apply my energies to doing that which moves me and makes me whole.

Running, since you’ve been gone, I have missed you terribly. But I have also had an amazing 4 weeks without you. I needed to grow up a little bit. And I hope that you have, too. Let’s stop this abusive cycle and have a proper, mature relationship. Just don’t tell my husband.

What has taught you maturity and patience? What has been a blessing in disguise to lose?

Have you ever walked a half marathon?

#TreatyourselfTuesday I’m Doing This. And For ME.

Today is a day of treats. No tricks, just pure and utter treats.

Merci, Becky!

Let us count the ways, shall we?

FIRST AND FOREMOST

I. am. going. to. be. hanging. out. with. this. girl. in. a. matter. of. hours. yes the emphasis is necessary.

Literally, we have been counting down the hours for the past few days. I might actually wet myself when I finally get to hold her in my arms. It will be terrifying.

#SwirlOn #SwirlStrong #SwirlSisters

Also, HOW CAN I CONTINUE TO FORGET THAT SHE IS A FELLOW SWIRLGEAR AMBASSADOR (makes her even more perfect. Also, I put her up to it :D)

SECOND

I have some special news to share with you guys. This is something that has been on my mind for quite some time, but I have waffled back and forth on it. When I got to the point of finally being ready to act on it, I got sucked back into trying to hold out for a preservation job (my originally projected career path), and then that dragged on. and on. and on. and on. Until we are back here. Back where we started. Again.

Preach.

I am going to be honest with you all, and this is sort of dangerous because it is on the web and public. But I am ready to say it: I have decided to switch courses, be it permanently or just for the time being.

Last week, I went to a meeting for the young professionals council of the statewide organization. And I felt like someone who eats healthfully (but not strictly) going to a specialty diets convention. Sure, it’s something that I have a connection to, but I feel so totally disconnected from that world. What’s more, and this is the kicker: I don’t even really care to be a part of it. I never have. I’ve never wanted to do advocacy and be in nonprofits. I wanted to be an architect and a historian: to document, write histories, and to problem solve new uses to help people re-envision the magic of spaces and the world around them.  Not deal with a clusterf**k of city organizations and politics and nonprofits who appear to be incompetent.

This break from the restaurant has afforded me the chance to try my hand at something the makes me really happy. And that is thus: helping people discover themselves through fitness, health, and learning to take care of themselves. I want people to know that we all have more within us; that we can all reach beyond ourselves. That even when we are told otherwise, we can be athletes. So, to begin, I am going to pursue my Certified Personal Trainer certification. I would like to also become a nutritionist specialist and a running coach, but first steps first. I am going to put some other things into motion–apply to be an admin assistant, a membership advisor, some other things–but I am going to go ahead and start studying and moving the ball forward.

Now, this is just an attempt, and not the be-all-end-all there-is-no-turning-back decision. It might not work. But I have to try. Serving is not the best life for me, or for Alex and myself as a couple. Sure the money is good. But it is not worth my health. I had put on good, solid weight following my marathon. And then the stress, long hours, freezing temperatures, and hormone difficulties  of January and February hit, and undid all the good that I had worked so hard on. My body started to break down again, as made obvious by the rash of injuries I have sustained since then and the lbs I have lost. My life at the restaurant in Virginia was just so different–I worked just as much, but I was so much happier, my body didn’t have to work so hard to stay warm, and my diet was able to be much more solid.

I still love architecture. I still love history. And should the right opportunity crop up, I will absolutely consider it. But it is time for me to accept what I figured out after one semester at Columbia, but was too late to change (and too proud to admit to anyone apart from my mother): this is not what I had in mind. As the knight guarding the Holy Grail told Indiana Jones… “He chose….poorly.”

I will keep you all updated as I can.

But right now, I am going to finish packing, go to a meeting that I couldn’t honestly care less about, catch a plain, and tackle a Pittsburghian.

Have you ever forced yourself to finish something because you were too proud to admit that you were wrong? And no, I am not talking about last night’s dinner…. But tell me about that too!

#MIMM A Marvelous March Forward!

It is still so weird not to be updating you on my hours of toil and snackage at the restaurant.

And it feels so good. Marvelous. Simply Marvelous.

Thanks, Katie!

Katie, thank you for giving us all an excuse to be a little bit selfish but in so doing, to share some sunshine with the world. In my mind, Marvelous in my Monday is not about trying to supplant our feelings about the upcoming week, but rather to start the weekend off with a smile on our face. Because you mirror the body language of the people around you. So you all should be DANCIN right now!

Why? Because it is MARCH.
I am going to ignore the fact that it once again snowed on a Saturday, and the first day of the month. My blog. My rules. At least it was pretty snow!

March is marvelous because Alex and I cleaned the apartment yesterday. Feeeels so goood.

March is marvelous because of all of the opportunities on the horizon:

**Tomorrow I am going to Pittsburgh to be united with Caitlin. There will be a choir of angels, I have no doubt.

Sorry Joseph. She. Is. Miiiiines.

**I am putting plans into action. This weekend I made some pretty solid decisions for my future. TUNE IN TOMORROW SUCKERS.

**I get to represent Ramblen as a brand ambassador.

I am so excited, and so fortunate, to become a representative of yet another company that I so whole-heartedly believe in. For those of you who don’t know: Created by Danielle (The Trex Runner) and her business partner Natalie, Ramblen is a website and digital sharing platform that serves to provide fit, active, and healthy individuals with the tools and information they need to continue to enjoy their lifestyles in new cities (whether due to travel or relocation). For example, safe running trails, guest-friendly gyms, places to get your hot yoga on, best shopping for those with special food needs, yummy places to eat well and affordably.

**Just as exciting, I get to attend the Women in Travel Summit with Danielle and Natalie on behalf of Ramblen.

If you are in the area, please check it out and consider attending! We are going to gorge on 312 and Bretzels, we have already decided.

**Though I may not be running, I will get to work hard on my health and nutrition, and regain the progress that was lost during January and February.

Shameless. But Proud. And Long Hair Don’t Care.

Please excuse the expletives.

**I will get to go home, pace my mom at the Atlanta Half Marathon, and get my haircut. Mostly, though? MOMMY TIME.

**Perhaps the chance for some warmer temps? Then again, it did snow on March 1st…

**Alex’s birthday to cap the month off!

**UVA winning the ACC title!!! WAHOOWAH WAHOOWAH

One of my favorite pics of the Lawn from last year.

What are you looking forward to this month???